3 simple steps to effectively manage psychological/emotional overload/overwhelm
In life…we keep tolerating and tolerating….little things our partner does or does not do that bothers us or rubs us the wrong way; whether it's that communication has reduced remarkably, or the wet towel is again on the floor; something our colleague says or does that irritates us at work every day, or your child keeps repeating the same f..ing mistake, and we suck it up, telling ourselves that it might rock the relationship boat; the partner will think I'm too needy or will never give me what I want; the colleague might tell the boss and it might create a scene at the workplace; the child will never comply so why bother because it will just ruin my peace of mind while resolving nothing. Been there….done that. BUT, what this AVOIDANCE does is…and it is mere avoidance…it keeps building the pressure up in our minds over time, till one day, the pressure cooker bursts, and the result is nothing less than a "shit-show".
I use the analogy of a pressure cooker because it helps my clients understand how this happens over time and not just one sudden day. Usually, a pressure cooker comes with an instruction manual that says, keep the valve/whistle clean or else the cooker will blow up. We take care of our pressure cookers, we make sure the valve is clean so that when the pressure starts building, the valve releases the excess pressure safely…but when it comes to our own selves, we slack. We keep building the resentment, frustration, anger, fear of rejection, fear of judgment and all of its colleagues….till one day…we can take it no more, we spurt it all out, and blow up in our partner's face like a volcano out of no where, and the partner is left saying…"What the fuck just happened?"; "I never saw that coming".
I see this happening at least 3-4 times a day, 5 days a week, between couples, parent-child, family members and so on, so I know exactly what I am talking about. What I coach my clients is an ALTERNATIVE METHOD where we safely vent our emotions in small spurts, using appropriate words, when the time is right, using proper tone of voice and body language, amicably, so that it is received better by the partner/another party without a pending catastrophe because there is less fear of judgment and the other person does not need to be super defensive/guarded right away.
The 3 steps are:
1) TALK IT OUT. Best case scenario is to address the issue with the person with whom you have the strife. If that is not possible, talk to a friend, colleague, partner…someone… a professional if need be, to resolve the turbulence the thought is creating. When something bothers us, it disrupts our frequency and our fear center is activated. Once fear kicks in, cognition stops. Talking it out helps calm the mind and personally, I believe in never going to bed with a thought weighing me down (of course when possible; some of you know what I'm talking about…).
2) JOURNAL. Expressive writing as I call it has helped me personally for the last 3 decades. Tapping into our unconscious thoughts while journalling, allows us to access thoughts we might not even be aware of. The unconscious rules 97% of our thought processes and journalling when done right, taps into that realm. I use the word DUMPING, with my clients because that is exactly what the intention is behind journaling. I have used it time and time again with my clients and the effectiveness is 100%.
3) PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. Physical movement helps move the energy, Chi, blood flow and delivers dopamine into the system simultaneously. A little spurt of happiness never hurt anyone. For me….when I find myself trying to catch a yoga class a few days in a row even if it means waking up at 5 am in the morning to be able to go to the clinic at 9 am…. that's a tell-tale sign that my system is feeling an emotional overload and I need to dump something out or channel the excessive energy. Sweat physically gets rid of toxins in the body, and as an added bonus also allows the mind to get rid of some of the thought overloads. Exercise has its benefits, whether its a quick run/jog, hot yoga, spin, cross-fit, or weights in the gym. Anything that gets the blood flowing and the heart pumping usually helps here.
It's always the small hinges that open the big doors. It's always the little things that bother us in any relationship that over time eat away the sweetness of it like a termite, and leaves us wondering why it feels so empty and unfulfilling. Infidelity if it happens in a relationship, causes immense damage...but it happened because many lesser significant signs were over looked over a long period of time. Such damage took place over days, weeks, months and sometimes years, we just never gathered the strength to address the problem in the relationship. But usually after a heavy duty blowup, the couple shows up in a therapist's office, and for the first time, the irritants are addressed.
Last words… emotional overwhelm is not avoidable. Sometimes we have "a pot" simmering at a time, sometimes we have "a few" of them. For me…it always pours, never rains…so I have to be very self-aware to catch my system from getting overwhelmed/overloaded. Life, my job, kids, responsibilities…I have something simmering all the time, but self-awareness helps me seek help super early before overwhelm kicks in. My job requires me to perform every hour at more than 100%…so any sorta overwhelm, can dampen/diminish my performance. Being self-aware, and doing the three steps mentioned above has saved both my clients and me innumerable times. I hope this knowledge will help you navigate emotional overwhelm a little better. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Leave a comment below to share your experiences or what you might be doing that could help with overwhelm.
As always, this blog is not intended to replace therapy. Please consult a professional if you are dealing with overwhelm. These are just rough guidelines to help you that have proven to be effective in my practice and in my personal life. Namaste!!!
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